Sex Education Self-taught

Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo laid his head down on the smooth, cool surface of the desk. Really, he had chosen to take this particular course because he thought it would be fun, and also because his best friends were going to take it too. Instead, he had ended up with this teacher whose voice droned endlessly and made Antonio want to fall asleep. Nothing really was holding him back from sleeping; he was just disappointed that Sex Education would be so boring.

Then suddenly, the teacher announced something about having to leave because he had left his lesson plan in his car. Antonio perked up immediately, looking much more attentive than he had before. He waited and watched as the teacher slammed the door behind him, leaving the class to talk amongst itself.

Antonio, however, got up and beckoned for his friend, Francis Bonnefoy, to join him.

"This class won't teach us much about this, amigo...how disappointing..."

A seemingly innocent smile spread across Antonio's tanned face.

"We could teach the class together, couldn't we? The teacher will be gone a long time! Better not to waste any of it and learn. Who knows, maybe the others have some useful info to share~ It'll be our normal class, but only self-taught."

A smile crept to Francis's face as he considered what his fellow student was saying.
"Oui, oui.. Zat wood be interesting..." He said, stroking his facial hair. He shrugged and proclaimed, "Eet eez worth a shot!"
Francis grabbed Spain's wrist and dragged him up to the front of the class, putting a rose in his mouth with the other. He stopped at the teacher's desk and jumped up, derriere landing with a thump. He kicked his legs up and lay sideways on the desk.
He noticed one of the girls sitting in the front rows staring at him with a dreamy look in her eyes, so he winked at her, smiling.
"Antonio, wood you like to tell everyone what we arrh planning?"

Ludwig sat in the second row, and snorted. Leave it to his brother's friends to do something completely stupid like this. He watched as Francis lied smugly on the desk. Ludwig swore he could SMELL the pheromones coming off the girls around him. And a few of the guys. And maybe even himself.

Antonio let himself be dragged up behind the teacher's desk and leaned forward across the desk, a lazy smile on his face.

"Claro que si, Francis! Class, we'll be your substitutes, and we'll be teaching you about sex! If you have any good information to share, feel free to share it," he called out, so that the students who had been sleeping just as he had planned to would wake up fully.

Soon, at this part, he lowered his voice into a teasing tone. "Who knows, we might put it to good use with each other in the future."

Lovino Vargas rolled his eyes. How he wound up in this class was beyond him. But seeing as this class was a graduation requirement, he didn't really feel like questioning it. He looked down at his desk and did his best to ignore everyone else. However, that voice caught his attention. Oh great, he thought. What the hell does that bastard think he's doing? At that point, Lovino knew that this class was going to be his living hell. He facepalmed, and let out an annoyed sigh.

"Why the hell should we listen to you, asshole?"

Antonio raised an eyebrow when he heard an indignant voice, and smiled as he laid eyes on Lovino Vargas, the adorable little Italian whom he loved picking on because his face got so red, just like a tomato. He carefully made his way to Lovino's desk and put his face just a bit too close to the other's.

"Oh Lovi, are you a virgin~? What Francis and I know would be very useful to you then!" his voice had a sing-song quality to it as he good-naturedly ruffled the Italian's hair.

And, since Lovino Vargas was well-known for his violent streak, Antonio jumped back quickly and went back to the teacher's desk.

Lovino felt the warmth rush to his cheeks. What did that bastard just ask me?

"Oh Lovi, are you a virgin~? What Francis and I know would be very useful to you then!"

How embarrassing.

He swatted Antonio's hand away and slammed his hands onto his desk, pushing himself up from his seat. For a while, he glared, hoping that some that he would be somewhat intimidating. Of course, he knew he wasn't. But who said that he couldn't try? "What the fuck did you just ask me, you bastard," he shouted as he punched Antonio's shoulder. Lovino let out a low growl. "I don't need advice from an idiot like you," he said with a dark tone. Now, if anyone knew Lovino well, it was probably Antonio. Lovino just hoped that the bastard was oblivous enough to believe his facade.

The moment the teacher left the room, Arthur knew he was going to regret signing up for this class. Dread pooled in his stomach and his eyes narrowed as France plopped himself onto the teacher's desk. Those complete idiots. He could literally feel the sweat drop forming above his right temple. He headdesked, unable to block out the noise of some Spanish idiot teaching a grumpy Italian.

That was it! Nothing good could come of this. Arthur sat up, pushed his chair back, and stood, crossing his arms. Upon his face was his Serious-Business expression. An expression that no one at his old school dared to cross. Of course, at his old school he didn't have died hair, piercings, or combat boots and was well-known as the Student Body President, not a punk.

"Francis. Get off the desk," he stated in a low, cool voice, glaring at his roommate. "Get off the desk, sit your arse in your seat, and wait for the teacher to come back, or so help me God, I will cut your hair off in the middle of the night," he spat.

At the sound of so many people yelling, Feliciano Vargas actually decided to look up from his "notes"-- Consisting mostly of pictures of flowers, pasta, and fuzzy animals. He was sorry he did; both the eyebrow guy and Romano seemed angry, which probably meant a fight was going to happen. Feli didn't like fighting. He usually end up getting hurt. He went back to "taking notes".

Ludwig scooted his chair back a bit, and scooted to the side until he was next to Feliciano. "Feli? Are you okay?" It really felt wrong for Italy to be in this class. Feliciano was just too innocent sometimes. Someone had written '69' in the boys' bathroom once, and, of course, Ludwig had been the one who had had to explain it to him.

Francis raised an eyebrow at Arthur. "What eez ze matter, anglo? Still a virgin? Honhonhon~ I can change that " Francis moved so that his legs were spread wide and his hands were inbetween them. (LIKE A LEAP FROG POSITION, YOU SIKKOS)
"Now, does anyone want to know anything? Anything at all?" He looked around the classroom, feeling quite cocky with his expertisse. His eyes stopping at a pretty girl and he winked.

Feli looked up at Ludwig. "Huh? No, I'm fine... Just a little... Worried... I don't want anyone to get in a fight... And I'm guessing Kirkland is going to beat up Bonnefoy... Again." He paused. "I don't know why, though.". He honestly had no idea what anyone was talking about, as usual.

Antonio winced and rubbed his shoulder. It seemed as if he had not escaped unscathed, which was rather disappointing. Maybe he was getting old...or maybe Lovi was getting quicker.

The latter seemed more likely, but mierda, the Italian punched hard. Smiling through the pain, he decided to hurry along with the lesson and ignore the British guy because he was kind of scary. Something about his eyebrows unnerved him.

"So~ Our first lesson will be how to pleasure women...unless most of the males here are homosexual, then it'll be how to pleasure men! So, show of hands, who's gay? Don't be shy to admit it!" Antonio exclaimed cheerfully.

Ludwig frowned, his mind having a two-sided argument. On one hand, this was personal information that he shouldn't have to share to ANYONE, let alone one of Gil's friends. One the other, this was a class... and Antonio was a senior, who might have taken it before...
Setting his resolve, Ludwig raised his hand.

Feli's hand shot up immediately, eager to actually be able to answer a question of some sort. He wasn't quite sure why several others seemed quite reluctant (and why Sarah uses the word "quite" so much).

Francis wiggled his eyebrows as he saw the hands shoot up.
"So youhh see, when a man loves a woman, eet's very simple." Francis pulled out a wurst that he "borrowed" from Ludwig, and a doughnut that he "borrowed" from Canada. He held up the wurst and said, "Zees is a *****." He then held up the doughnut, "Zees is a ******. And youhh.. Start.. Playing wiss eet. Tickle eet a little beet.. And zen start RAMMING at total speed. Ze speed of light eef you can achieve eet. And then, just give her all your-"
Francis was cut off by Arthur.

Arthur eyed the French bastard with contempt. "It is not business of yours whether I have had sex or not, Frog. But no. I am not a virgin. And I most certainly do NOT want to have sex with you," he spat.

This was the last straw. Did these two idiots even know the havoc they could bring? Merciless teasing and whatnot. He stood and walked to the front of the classroom, narrowing his eyes at the Spanish student. "You are not the teacher, and neither is Bonnefoy! Both of you. Sit down and wait for the goddamn teacher! Neither of you have any right to teach this course. There are strict guidelines that must be followed by the curriculum. NOW SIT DOWN." He roared, shoving the Spaniard to a desk, before advancing on the Frog.

Francis threw the wurst at the Englishman, "Con."

Ludwig sighed. "Arthur, just let them teach. You never know. It could be fun." He turned to France. "Francis, weren't we going to be taught how to 'pleasure' a guy?!"

Antonio would've been quite content to sit back and let his friend explain all about how to pleasure a man, but then he realized that he wasn't talking about how to pleasure a man; he was explaining how babies were made, using edible items.

He opened his mouth to stop his friend, but then he, the British one, got his panties in a twist suddenly got up and started shouting. Before he could react, the other student pushed him into a desk, making him fall over with a loud crash.

"O-ow...mierda, he pushes hard for someone who wears so much jewelry..." Antonio muttered under his breath as he got up.

Arthur made an annoyed growl. "Oh, hell no! Ludwig! I though you had more sense than that. Think logically, push your desires to the side. THIS IS BONNEFOY WE'RE SPEAKING ABOUT!" He cried, scowling fiercely.

Arthur walked over to the Frenchman, grabbed him by his scarf, dragged him, and forced him into a desk. "STAY." He barked, walking up to the front of the classroom.

"NOW. You will all STAY IN YOUR DESKS. You may talk quietly amongst yourself until the teacher returns. I shall stay up here and make sure that those bloody gits don't try anything." He crossed his arms and glowers, forcing anyone to disagree.

Francis brushed his scarf down "ZEES EEZ EXPENSIVE, ANE!" He got back up out of anger, walking to the front of the classroom. He turned around and put a cocky smile on his face.
"You see, class? Zees man right 'ere eez an example of someone wiss "sexual tension" he clearly refuses to admeet zat he eez gay," He turned to Arthur, "Non?"

The Spaniard pouted childishly and kept his arms crossed. Who did this British guy think he was? Sure, he was pretty strong, but he was acting like such a meanie bossy-pants. Maybe he was going through...what was it called...a man period.

Yeah, just like Lovi was.

...did those things even exist?

"Dios mio, Arthur, you're not the teacher either. Unless you plan to teach us about this stuff."

Arthur flushed brightly and stuttered, "What the bloody hell are you going on about?!" he cried. His eyes narrowed and he leaned in close.

"Listen here, Frog," he hissed, "I am not gay and don't you dare insinuate such a thing ever. Shut the bloody fuck up, you goddamn bastard." he turned on his heel, dramatically pushing open the classroom door so hard it slammed against the wall when full-opened. He could feel his eyes beginning to prick with tears. Oh, dammit, why was he so goddamn emotional?!

He raced through the halls, needing to find an escape. Lovely, this was just sodding perfect. Now, it would be all over the school by lunchtime. Arthur Kirkland. Gay. And he just knew that the news would, somehow, make its way to his brothers. And then, the shit would hit the fan.

Ludwig watched Arthur storm out the door, sighing. He knew the boy's sexuality was a sensitive subject. He turned about to France. "Anyway, you were saying, Francis?"
He also tried to push the fact Italy had raised his hand out of his mind. Too distracting during a lesson.